I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
