So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
