oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize