I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
