We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
