did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
