please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Found the puke drawer
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
