You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
