nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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