im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I could fuck to npr.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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