I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
