he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
