Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
