I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
