I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
