I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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