After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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