I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
