I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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