I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize