Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
