Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
