So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
