so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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