this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
