I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
