Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
