He is an equal opportunity slut.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
