Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
