Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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