she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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