if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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