Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
