i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Randomize
