Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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