I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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