Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
