do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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