The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
