normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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