My room smells like vodka and shame
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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