If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
