I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
