apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
