the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize