i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
