After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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