I just made out with a guy for $7.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
