peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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