Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
