That's intense
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
