dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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