He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize