the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
