Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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