I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is Oprah even human
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
