i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
