i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
