lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
