hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize