ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
