Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
