ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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