just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
