dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize