Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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