its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
