apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize