Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
